dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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