Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize