I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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