But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
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They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
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He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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