how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize