You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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