I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
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He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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