I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
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I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
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Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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