you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize