Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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