i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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