i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize