You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize