She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
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I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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