How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
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i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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