If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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