Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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