how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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