Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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