He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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