she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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