i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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