I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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