don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
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she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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