as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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