In America we eat man semen.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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