i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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