omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize