You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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