im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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