sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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