I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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