pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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