So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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