i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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