I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
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finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
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words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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