his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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