Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
A+ Viking dick
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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