I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
it hurts more in the daytime
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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