oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
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Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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