Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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