We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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