i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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