do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
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Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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