Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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