She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
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Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
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Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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