You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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