u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just invented taco cereal.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize