i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize