Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
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I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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